It’s an interesting thing, going home. That’s what I am doing this week, going home as my extended family, friends, & strangers will gather to say goodbye to my Grandad. It’s odd to wander the halls of the church where I grew up; everything is so familiar & yet unknown to me. The reality of going home, whether to a specific building or just the home of your gathered family, is it always carries this bittersweet flavor. You are no longer who you were when you left. Yet there is a grain, a kernel of the same person deep within you that settles when you return. It is humbling to reconnect with the roots of my childhood & the building blocks of my foundation.
They say a prophet is never welcome in their hometown; we shall see how true that is when I offer words of remembrance for my Grandad. He was a man, like most, complex & multidimensional. Sometimes, we like to believe our family is special or unique in some way; our darkness is hidden well enough to fool the world while causing divisions & heartache behind the doors of our home. The truth of my Grandad is he was just as normal as the rest, prone to anger, stubbornness, & hubris. He was also driven by a realization he was privileged beyond measure in this world, so he sought to do what he could to bridge the divide & make a difference in the lives of those on the margins. It is a difficult pill to swallow at times, the balance of the man in truth & love. Maybe it’s because I knew him I can reconcile how two seemingly opposite things can be true at the same time; a person can have faults & failures while being a resounding success & source of light. A person can do harm while trying their best to only do good. In our humanness, all we can do is learn & grow, working daily to do better than the day before.
When I answered the call to ministry in the desert, I never expected to be in this particular place. The desert is far removed from the rolling hills & forests of my past. Yet everything about answering my call brings me back to this place, this hallowed ground that formed my faith, laying the cornerstone for my identity & ministry. Perhaps that formation, knowing the different sides of the man I called Grandad & the complexity of his truth in love, that I chose to live my life as I do. Rather than trying to hide or cover up the darkness, my failings & the harms I know I commit, I try to bring them to the light, examining them as I get back up to try again. I pray we are in an era in the Church when we can let go of the need to present a false front & instead embrace our brokenness as we highlight the many ways we seek to learn & grow in love. And as we do, may we aim to bring along the ones we know the world has forgotten, showing them in our vulnerability & authenticity that they are as precious, welcomed, & loved as the rest.
In Christ’s Love,